Aubergine Parmigiana

Today I found out that shit happens.

I mean, I've always known that bad things happen...There's a whole spectrum of bad things that can happen to you, from things that ruin your day like a careless cyclist who hits your car and leaves a tiny dent, to things that can break your heart in the best and worst way that anything can break your heart. You know what I'm talking about. 

I've always known, just by the simple powers of observation, that best friends break up, people die of hunger, businesses go bankrupt and babies die for no reason at all. I know. But somehow I managed to make my way through life for 24 grand years without letting any of the bad things get the best of me. Oh sure, I wept, I got upset, I threw stuff. But I never let these things turn me into someone bitter, or scared, or timid. "Oh wow," you're thinking, "The optimism and arrogance of the youth."

Yeah, I guess. But it was also the naivety of the youth. I'd always been one of those naive children who embraced life for everything that it was. I saw challenges like everyone else, but I'd always thought, "Oh, it'll be fine." And even if it wouldn't be fine, I'd survive and be cheerful again after, like, 20 minutes. As someone once so perfectly described, I "propelled forward through life, hitting bricks and walls on my way, but always going forward nonetheless." Life was a big, bold adventure, and my mind selectively chose to remember the good memories over the bad. There was nothing zen about my upbeat outlook, it was just the pure fearlessness of a child trapped inside an adult's body.

And then life threw me one of those surprises, because that's just what life does. You know what I'm talking about. Total road kill. Heart leaping from a cliff into thin air, then crashing spectacularly into the ground. Heart pulp. Your belief system suddenly not being so believable anymore. Your comfort zone way, way far behind. One of those moments in life when no amount of motivational quotes or Ben and Jerry's or supportive friends can help you.

Shit happens.

And you find out that suddenly you're not so fearless anymore, not so charmingly naive, not so...innocent, perhaps. Suddenly you're a reluctant, scared, worried, and tired adult like everyone else. What's an adult to do? Well, it took a lot of long walks and absent moments spent staring at my laptop screen, but I think the answer is faith. When blind naivety doesn't save you anymore, faith can. Faith requires the patience and wisdom of an adult, which is probably why that was not the first resource I tapped into when I was faced with fears before. 

Faith to me means believing that things will be fine even if you don't know how or why or when. It's believing that there's a just government above who will protect you, love you and guide you when you ask it to...and when you listen. Faith means surrendering to the knowledge that there's no such thing as certainty or total control. It's knowing that shit happens all the time, but that you have it in you to guide yourself through the mess.

Do I feel a pang of sadness about growing up? Oh, sure. Instead of channeling Cinderella as a child (Girl sings with rats and birds, girl mops the floor, girl falls in love with a guy who can't remember what she looks like after dancing the whole night with her?....Come on), I could always relate better with Peter Pan and the Lost Boys. I never wanted to grow up! I wanted to live in a pastel-colored world. But perhaps I'm more like Wendy than Peter Pan -- I must return to the real world where the colors come in a far wider spectrum. But I'm pretty sure I still get to keep a little childishness in me.

And now...eggplants. Because loss of innocence and limp vegetables are TOTALLY correlated.

Aubergine Parmigiana

For 6 servings

Recipe adapted from www.jamieoliver.com

- 3 large firm aubergines
- olive oil
• 1 onion, peeled and finely chopped
• 1 clove garlic, if you can get it, peeled and finely sliced
• 1 heaped teaspoon dried oregano
• 2 x 400g tins good-quality plum tomatoes
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• a large handful of fresh basil
• 4 large handfuls of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
• 2 handfuls of dried breadcrumbs
• a little fresh oregano, leaves chopped

optional:
• 1 x 150g ball of buffalo mozzarella

Remove the stalks from the aubergines and slice them up into 1cm thick slices. Get a dry pan really hot. 

Put 2 or 3 glugs of olive oil into another pan on a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic and dried oregano and cook for 10 minutes, until the onion is soft and the garlic has a tiny bit of colour. If you’re using tinned tomatoes, break them up and give the mixture a good stir, then put a lid on the pan and simmer slowly for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, grill the aubergines on both sides until lightly charred – you may have to do them in batches. As each batch is finished, remove them to a tray and carry on grilling the rest until they’re all nicely done. When the tomato sauce is reduced and sweet, season it carefully with salt and pepper, and add the basil. You can leave the sauce chunky or you can purée it.

Get yourself an earthenware type dish. Put in a small layer of tomato sauce, then a thin scattering of Parmesan, followed by a single layer of aubergines. Repeat these layers until you’ve used all the ingredients up, finishing with a little sauce and another good sprinkling of Parmesan. I like to toss the breadcrumbs in olive oil with a little freshly chopped oregano and sprinkle them on top of the Parmesan. Sometimes the dish is served with torn-up mozzarella on top, which is nice too.

Place the dish in the oven and bake at 190°C/375°F/gas 5 for half an hour until golden, crisp and bubbly. It’s best eaten straight away, but it can also be served cold.

The Road to Peace of Mind is Paved with Imperfections

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

Here’s a fact. Everyone is trying to make sense of their life in some way. We’re trying to make it feel right to us. Some do it by pursuing their goals, some with art, some with love, and some by giving to others. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to make sense of my life by trying to be perfect. Well, up until some time ago, to be exact. But it was a profound force in my life. It took over the big picture and it showed in the small things. If I was perfect, I was fine, and if I wasn’t perfect, I was a failure. Yes, I was a blossoming, self-declared perfectionist.

If you have just an ounce of perfectionism in you, you’d understand when I say that there’s a whole spectrum of perfectionism. There’s one end of the spectrum, where the level of perfectionism is rather healthy, and all you desire is to reach your most ambitious goals. Then there’s the other end of the spectrum, where perfectionism has hindered you from functioning well as an individual. You won’t go out of the house because things are not controllable outside of the safety of your home. You can’t have a relationship because human beings do unpredictable things that make you feel uncomfortable. And the rest of us fit somewhere in between these two extremes.

I have traveled the spectrum a fair bit in my life. There was a time in my childhood when I would be frustrated and unable to sleep if I would get an 8.9 in a class test, while others could get a 9.  There was a time when I had to write an essay for a literature competition, but I couldn’t write it simply because my handwriting was not perfect enough for me. It was not perfect enough because some letters were slightly larger than the others, and my b’s and d’s were not of the same height. Perfect handwriting, to my 12-year-old self, meant that the letters had to have the exact same size and height. I’d write a few words, be frustrated because they were not “perfect”, crumple the paper into a ball, throw it on the floor, and start over only to fail to make the perfect handwriting again. It became so bad that my mother had to draw lines between the actual lines on the paper with a pencil, so that I could make all my letters the same height. My young mind could not recognize that this was the beginning of my love affair with perfectionism. I simply thought I was a failure, because I believed that successful people could write with perfect handwriting.

I continued to have a complicated relationship with my perfectionism. There were days when I’d criticize myself so many times in my head, sometimes literally hundreds of times per day. My hair was not right. I was not pretty enough. Not articulate enough. Could have worked harder on my assignment. Could have been nicer to people. Could have been more focused in my prayers. The way I walked was not right. Perfect people walk gracefully and in one straight line. I did not.  The things on my desk had to be arranged all facing north, with equal spacing between each other. Why did I say that stupid thing? Why couldn’t I be more patient with my baby sister? Why do I binge? I created highly unreasonable definitions of perfect, definitions I couldn’t fit into. In my eyes, I was far from perfect. And yet, I decided that being perfect was the only way I could be happy, the only way to live. The only respectable way to live.

And yet, in all aspects, I appeared as a normal teenager. I excelled in several things and was generally happy. I had friends and the typical ups and downs of a teenager. And yet, even in my happiest moments, there was always something that didn’t feel right. There was always something in the back of my head, telling me that I’m not perfect and thus undeserving of true happiness. As destructive as it was, I held on to my perfectionism. I was even proud of it for some time. I felt like perfectionists were the type of people who were ambitious, hard-working and unafraid to pursue their goals. We were the people who would succeed. And true, if you could control your perfectionism and use it to your advantage, it could motivate you to reach your goals. But I find that it’s immensely difficult to make sure that your perfectionism is large enough to motivate you, but not too large that it eats you. Finding balance, as those among us who are honest with themselves know, is one of the finer challenges in life. After years of being a proud yet tormented perfectionist, I finally realized that I had to deal with it, or it would sabotage my life.

And even then, it was not easy to unlearn my perfectionism. Oh boy, was it difficult. And even if you’re not a perfectionist, I believe you can relate to this experience. If we’re honest, each of us is struggling with something, a part of us that prevents us from being truly happy, and would continue to do so until we deal with it. It can be pessimism, laziness, procrastination, shyness, lack of confidence, lack of purpose, you name it. But here’s the thing. No matter how many times I failed to properly deal with my perfectionism, I never gave up on myself. I never let my perfectionism define who I am. Never once did I say, “This is just who I am and I can’t change it, so I should stop trying.” And I think that’s the first step of dealing with your issue: never let it define you. It’s not who you are, it’s just one side of your personality that you would like to change, to allow yourself to be truly happy.

And here’s where I think people are divided. There are people who argue that you can’t change the fundamentals of who you are, and there are people who argue that you can, and that in fact, you need to do so throughout your life in order to grow. I lean towards the second. If you’re a follower of the first school of thought, don’t sneer just yet. I think people probably can’t completely change their natural tendencies, but they can develop skills on how to deal with them. I still have perfectionism tendencies – I still demand a lot from myself, and sometimes I criticize myself too much. But I have learned how to respond to these tendencies. I have learned how to deal with them so that they don’t take control over my life. Whenever I feel my perfectionism urges coming up, I tell myself, “Perfectionist is bad, dedicated and motivated is good.” This motto reminds me that as long as I stay dedicated to what I’m doing and motivated, I’ve done my best, and that’s all I need to be. And not just that – it also reminds me that it’s okay to have perfectionism tendencies. It doesn’t mean I’m a perfectionist. What matters is how you respond to these tendencies. Do you succumb? Or do you keep a clear head and choose to do what’s best for you?

In my opinion, the argument that people can’t change is nonsense. Have you met a person who has never gone through a major personality change in their life? If you look back at your life, could you say that you haven’t changed at all, personality-wise? I find that people need to constantly change to survive. As we get older, our challenges become more difficult, and we need to grow in order to rise to these new challenges. And isn’t change the essence of growth? Growing up means you become something that was initially not you. I was a spoiled child, but because I was sent abroad to study at the age of 13, I had to be independent and take care of myself. Slowly I grew into a more independent person. Is that not change? And yet, if I decided that being independent was impossible for me, I believe I would not have become independent. What you believe becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy. It becomes your reality. So if you believe that you can’t change, you’re probably right. If you believe you can, you’re probably right too.

So that was the first lesson I learned the hard way: Never let your demons define you. Learn the skills to deal with them, and never give up. And if you forget why you bother to deal with your demons (we all forget from time to time), remember that it’s because you owe it to yourself to be truly happy. We all deserve to have peace of mind and happiness.

The second thing that I found helpful was to take it day by day. I once went to a Christian school, and although I’m not Christian, I still had to attend mass every Monday. I had to sit with the other students, listen to their singing and to the sermon. One of the regular songs was about taking your burden off your shoulders and putting it before God. That concept appealed to me tremendously. Dealing with your demons is difficult, but it gets easier if you break it down into days. Just like a tired athlete who needs rest, you too need time-off from all your worries. After a long day of fighting off my perfectionism tendencies, nothing feels better than to take a moment alone, close my eyes and say, “God, I tried hard today. And yet my problem is still there. Tonight I will take my problem off my back and lie it down in front of You. Please soothe my frustrations and let me have my rest. Tomorrow I will try again.” Doing that always makes me feel energized and calm.

But I found that self-conviction and persistence wasn’t enough – they had to be paired with self-understanding. If ever there is one powerful tool that can open many doors for you, I think self-understanding is it. Personally, I think self-understanding is being honest with yourself and learning about how you work. Why do I have perfectionism tendencies? I read that perfectionism is a tool we use to defend ourselves against inner vulnerabilities. Oh, how that resonates with me. That feels so true. What do I feel vulnerable about? What are my fears, my insecurities? What am I trying to achieve by trying to be perfect? Who am I trying to please? Does it really make me happy?

Going down that road can be uncomfortable and takes courage. Some truths about ourselves are just not pretty. We may find things we don’t like about ourselves. It’s tempting to not go into them and bury them instead. Oh yes, it will be tempting to follow your tendencies too, because they just feel so natural. When this happens, I find it helpful to remember why I’m doing all this: the pursuit of happiness. Peace of mind is not just some distant concept reserved for the most zen among us and Buddhist monks – it’s a necessity if we long for a happy life. And I don’t mean the kind of happiness that we derive from a great relationship, an achievement or an easy day spent hanging out with best friends. I mean the kind of happiness we have even when our love life or achievements are non-existent. I mean the kind of happiness we derive from strength and stability of mind, and from understanding and accepting ourselves. If anything helped me to deal with my perfectionism, I think learning about myself with genuine honesty was it. I read psychological explanations for the way I worked. I spent time pondering about why I work the way I work. It makes a world of difference when you’re honest with yourself. You see, people are highly skilled at fooling themselves. We believe what we want to believe. If we are prepared to look at ourselves just as we are, with full acceptance, we may find that suddenly things become clear to us.

They certainly became clear to me. Slowly, because sometimes things are revealed to us in pieces, little by little. There should be no surprise in that – I bet a lot of our parents are still dealing with their demons. There’s no quick-fix solution to this. It became clear to me that I wanted to be perfect because that’s where I derived my self-worth from. Growing up, the people around me have always been ambitious and successful. I was always encouraged to aim high, and praised when I did well. People have always expected me to do well. Everyone longs for acceptance, and I am no different. Performing and living up to other people’s expectations was my yardstick for success. Success equaled self-worth. All along, I was looking for the feeling of being worthy.

Unfortunately, self-understanding alone doesn't lead you to peace of mind. There's still the last piece of the puzzle, the trickiest one, which is self-acceptance. Why is it tricky? I think constructive self-acceptance, which is self-acceptance that will lead you to happiness, requires you to find a balance between loving who you are and not letting your demons define you. You should accept yourself, but you shouldn't hastily accept those characteristics that make you less than happy as a fixed part of you. And here's another point where people are divided. Some people would argue that you should accept everything about who you are, the good and the bad. And I agree, I think you should. But not those characteristics that make you less than happy. You, not other people. The purpose of accepting yourself is to be happy. Why should you accept those characteristics that actually do not make you happy?

Also, who is to say that these characteristics are you; an unalterable part of you? Remember my paragraph about change before. We should be careful in labeling ourselves, because labeling is a very powerful tool. We tend to believe the labels we give ourselves, and they will, eventually, become our reality. If we label ourselves as lacking in confidence, and we accept that, we will never be confident. Lack of confidence can cause many problems in life -- it may stop us from pursuing our dreams, prevent us from having meaningful relationships with others, and lead us to pessimism. Why should we allow ourselves to be this way?

Let me elaborate by using myself as an example. To constructively accept myself, I accept that I have perfectionism tendencies, but I refuse to let them take over my life. I refuse to call myself a perfectionist, because I don't need to stay as one. I can learn skills to deal with my perfectionism tendencies. I take the same approach to other characteristics that make myself unhappy. As for those characteristics that are not necessarily positive but that don't make me unhappy, I accept them fully. I accept that I can be careless, that I have no sense of direction, that I can be too open, that I can withdraw myself from others in certain situations. I don't fret over my hair on a bad hair day.

The paradox is this: Once I accepted myself, it became easier to deal with my perfectionism. I came to the understanding that that self-worth is not derived from success or pleasing others. Everyone goes through failures. Does it diminish your self-worth when you fail? No. I believe you derive your self-worth from living well and being yourself. If you do your best, practice kindness, pursue your purpose in life, allow room for mistake for yourself and others, and be yourself, I believe you can derive self-worth from that.

So I began to try to extract self-worth from these things. I took baby steps towards my lifelong goals. As part of living well, I began exploring the spiritual side of my life. I prayed more. I confided in God more. I laughed off my mistakes. I gave myself credit for the things I achieved. I made time to do things I really loved, like cooking, reading cookbooks and spending time with friends. I tried to be kind when I didn't feel like it. I didn't always succeed, but no worthy pursuit is supposed to be easy. Every night, I still take my worries off my shoulders, put them away, and get my mental rest.  

Unexpectedly, my perfectionism tendencies also become less and less. It's like seeing the world through a new pair of glasses. Suddenly, I understand that life is meant to be imperfect. Life is a mess. Life is a succession of messy, unpredictable affairs. Accepting this gives me immense relief. I am no longer a victim of my own perfectionism. It no longer prohibits me from being happy, from loving myself, from embracing life's unpredictable events. But I am also under no illusion that peace of mind is a static concept. I don't believe that once you reach peace of mind, you will always have it. You need to maintain in by practicing the things that led you to peace of mind in the first place. It may be a lifelong journey, but I feel that this is a start.

Chocolate Cupcakes for Special People

Yes...I just whipped up over a dozen cupcakes. No...It's not just for the sake of gluttony.

The fact is, I have heroes in my life (o boy, that sounds like the beginning of a cheesy Chicken Soup for the Soul story), heroes who deserve cupcakes. Not just any cupcakes, but chocolate cupcakes with very chocolate-y chocolate frosting. 

Let me tell you about these heroes of mine.

Of course, in our lives, there are the mothers, the fathers, the best friends -- those that we can't imagine living without. They are our own personal heroes in their own right. But the ones I'm talking about are a bit different. They are my allies, my camaraderie. Individuals who were once total strangers to me, but who now support my cause, share my dreams, work together with me toward these dreams, and provide me with mental support, much more than they know, every single day.

When I started my foundation, Future Minds, I was scared shitless that nobody would want to join me. Who knows, maybe nobody would care enough to join. I was also unsure about how good a leader I would make. I was head of the academic department in my high school's Student Body, and I was frickin' pathetic. I was self-conscious and nervous and would sweat and sweat and sweat before every meeting that I had to lead. Half of the time, I could see my members looking at me sympathetically, probably thinking, "The poor girl. She's wetting her pants."

I was even more scared once I started reading leadership books, in the hope of mending my sweaty leadership ways. The books said that a leader has to be charismatic, must have "presence", and I was sure I had none. Anywho, with dogged determination and a healthy dose of naivety, I marched onwards and told people about my idea for a foundation anyway. There must be a reward system for naive persistence in the world, because I'm sure at one point God said to His helpers, "Oy, she's tried enough. Let's send her some highly qualified, easy-to-lead people so that she can have a go at her dream."

And that's what happened to me.

True, there are many others who have given their priceless help with my foundation, and I couldn't have done much without them. But the heroes I'm talking about today are the people who work on my foundation constantly. They're the ones who are carrying out our activities and dealing with our problems every day -- the petty stuff and the big issues. They don't know how much I appreciate them -- in those days when the weather is bleak, or when something goes wrong at uni, or when there's just too much to do and I'm at the brink of frustration, or when someone just stings me with criticism, or when it's just a shitty day overall, a simple message from them or a short chat never fails to brighten me up. The whole world can go mad and yet when I hear good news about my foundation from them, all is well.

An old friend once remarked that I'm a housewife inside, and unfortunately that's very true. Cooking for others is how I show my love and appreciation for someone (well, that and giving a big bear hug, but I probably shouldn't do that to the boys, I don't wanna scare them). I'm afraid I wasn't born to be cool. I wish I could just hug each and every one of my heroes and cook up a storm for them and feed them for days on end. I often dream about the meal that I would cook for them once I have the chance. But for now, these cupcakes will have to do.

The greatest thing about them is that they're not just pleasant to work with -- they also make really great friends. That's a rare combination in an organisation and I consider myself extremely lucky! I always quietly regret that I didn't have the chance to get to know these people better before moving away to the Netherlands. I often feel bad when I email them just to ask them to do something for Future Minds. I would really love to just chat with them sometimes, over something trivial, just getting to know them. I do know some things about them, though, and it is these things that make them great comrades.

Alfa is the best company you can have if you want to go to the kitchen, have a coffee break and munch on cake while standing over the kitchen counter. She doesn't judge you if you eat too much and makes you laugh with her funny-but-endearing kitchen routines, like adding excessive salt to anything and everything. I have many kitchen memories with her.

Tasya has that rare combination of being so accomplished and admirable, and yet unthreatening. I think that's because she's really down-to-earth and doesn't hold back from telling you about her personal struggles. She makes you feel very special when she shares her thoughts and worries with you.

Ucup is one of the most genuine people I know. He's very authentic in the sense that he stays true to the kind of person he is, and he's cool with it. I feel comfortable talking to him because he's very open and doesn't hold back -- people who hold back just make me confused.

Arin is my definition of a cool woman. She makes funny jokes, comes up with smart one-liners and just has an aura of ease about her. She's the kind of person you want to invite to your party because she'll just liven it up!

Chita is super fun -- there are many moments when I wish that she would be here with me and my friends. She apologizes a lot because she's afraid of making mistakes, but she really doesn't need to, because she's awesome and does a great job at what she does anyway. You can have a great conversation with her.

Ghufron wows me because he dreams big, really big. When I first got to know him, I had a feeling that he wouldn't let you in on himself too quickly. I was delighted to find out later that we share many common interests, and I can't wait to work together with him on his projects.

Kris is just a really nice guy. It touches me how much he puts into his work at Future Minds Foundation -- he exceeded my expectations, and then some more.

Titut is that wise friend you'd like to go to when you have guy issues or just random life questions in general. She will calm you down with her sensible and gentle approach -- her advice is always well thought out, never brash or juvenile.

Adit is a really charming person and he doesn't even know it. He makes you feel really comfortable around him because he's just a great friend. Sometimes he makes me feel bad because I feel so evil compared to him, but, being a great friend, he wouldn't agree with that.

Reni makes me laugh with her unexpected, random comments. She also has real patience with children, which is not something you can say about a lot of people. 

Farid came across as really quiet at first, but then I found out how brilliant and knowledgeable and passionate he is about his field. I'd love to have a long conversation with him one day about spirituality and religion, just learning from his wealth of knowledge.

Tika has that motherly feel about her, and although I'm not sure if she'd like to hear that, it's actually a really great quality. The housewife in me found a company in the housewife in her -- I have a memory of us getting excited over grocery shopping in Maastricht and making corn and eggplant fritters. She's just really sweet!

Icha and I had a great conversation the other day about Future Minds. I didn't know that she'd told many people about Future Minds, and how passionate she is about it. She reminds me that sometimes there are probably many people who support me more than I know, and I'm not even aware of it. She totally made my day.

Ganes is the kind of person that cracks you up a lot with her unintentional jokes. She made me feel really special when she invited me to her birthday party, just after knowing her briefly. But I think that's how she is -- she just includes people and makes you feel like part of the gang.

Ika and I haven't had much time to get to know each other, but I'd really like to know her better. She seems like a genuine and nice person, the kind you want to be close friends with. I hope I get to have many cosy conversations with her when I see her again.

So, you see, these are the reasons why they deserve cupcakes. That's why at midnight yesterday, instead of going to bed, I whipped up a batch of these cupcakes.

Heroes and cupcakes...They go together in my book. Here's one to each one of you, guys. Couldn't have done it without you.

With love,

Annisa

ps. And for those of you who wonder what the hell I'm gonna do with all these cupcakes...I'm gonna knock on my landlord's door and surprise him with these cupcakes. And give some to the lady who sells newspaper in front of the supermarket. And my hairdresser. And save most for exam nutrition for my housemates (err...did I say nutrition?). And pop one into my mouth, and wash it down with a glass of cold milk.

Chocolate Cupcakes

Recipe adapted from http://www.tartelette.blogspot.com

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 sticks (8 oz) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
4 large eggs, at room temperature
6 ounces chocolate, a mix of milk and dark, melted and cooled
1 cup milk

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt and set aside.

In a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, mix the butter and sugar on medium speed until airy and creamy. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition (scrape down the sides if necessary). Still on medium speed, add the chocolate and mixing until well incorporated. Add the flour, baking soda and salt alternating with the milk. Make sure that all the ingredients are well incorporated but do not overbeat. With each addition, beat until the ingredients are incorporated, but do not overbeat. 

Spoon the batter into cupcake liners, filling them about 2/3 of the way full. Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cupcake comes out clean.

Whipped Ganache Frosting

12 ounces (360 gr) good quality chocolate, a mix of milk and dark
2 cups (500ml) heavy cream

Place the chocolate in a medium size bowl and set aside. In a large saucepan set over medium heat, bring the cream to a simmer. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate and let sit for a couple of minutes. Stir the cream and chocolate together gently until the mass becomes smooth and shiny. Let cool and refrigerate until very cold. When ready to use, whip the ganache until it is holds its shape and spreads easily. Use as soon as it is made or it will be too stiff to spread. If this happens, just reheat it on top of a double boiler to melt it again, and repeat the cooling and whipping process. If your chocolate is less than 72% bittersweet, add 2 more ounces before adding the hot cream.

Spread on the baked and cooled cupcakes. Smooth out with a bread knife.

Name Plates

1 bar of white chocolate, chopped up

1/4 bar of milk chocolate, chopped up

wax or baking paper 

a round-shaped cookie cutter

a toothpick

Boil a pot of water. Place a heatproof bowl over the pot, with the bottom of the bowl not touching the water. Place the chopped up white chocolate bar on the bowl until melted. Be careful not to get ANY water in the melted chocolate!

Place the wax or baking paper on a flat surface. Pour the melted chocolate on the wax or baking paper, spread out and smooth out with a bread knife. The result should be no less than 1/4 cm thick. Cool until almost hard. Cut into rounds with the cookie cutter. Cool again until the name plates are harder. Carefully lift each name plate off the paper and place on a plate.

With the same method as before, melt the milk chocolate (using a new, clean bowl). Wait for the melted chocolate to cool a bit. If it's too hot, when you use it to write on the name plate, it will melt the name plate.

Once slightly cooled, dip a toothpick in the melted chocolate and use it to write on the name plates. Be careful with the finished name plates -- do not touch them and let them dry on their own.

Place on baked and frosted cupcakes.

We Believe What You Do, Not What You Say

The greatest happiness is to transform one’s feelings into action. – Madame de Stael, French author

I have heard that line over and over in my life. In primary school, in high school, at university, from my friends, from TV, from everywhere. “I want to do something great for my country. I want to contribute to Indonesia.”

How many of us are actually doing something for Indonesia right now?

I believe everyone involved with Indonesian Future Leaders wants to do something great for our country. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here, browsing through their website and reading my article. I’m one of you, too. I’ve always wanted to do something for Indonesia, especially in the field of education. It all started when I studied the Constitution in primary school, like all of you did, and somewhere in there it says that “all citizens have the right to an education.” Well, that’s not true, I thought, I know a bunch of children near my neighborhood who can’t afford to go to school.

I felt sorry for those children, because I liked school and I knew how important education was. “I would do something about this,” I thought, “I would do something when I grow up. When I start working and earning a lot of money, I’d find some underprivileged children and pay for their education. I’d have my own business and use the profit to build a huge public library, with good-quality books, open for everyone for free. There would be a free English class at that library, too.” Then I shoved that dream aside, knowing that I’d come back to it when I have the money and skills to do so. I felt young, full of ideas, enthusiastic and good about myself.

Sounds familiar?

The problem with that thinking is that it begins with, “When I grow up and have the money and skills.” Big dreams are great, but they’re no bigger than the brain cell they occupy until they are put into action. What a lot of people don’t realize is that they can do something about their dreams now. They don’t have to wait until they graduate from high school or university, or until they have a job, or until they join the government or until they have the time. No matter how big your dreams are, there is always a part of it that you can do now. There is always something that you can do. You don’t have to wait any longer to realize your dreams for Indonesia.

Let me give you an example. Say you  want to provide education for underprivileged children, but you’re still a high school student. You can set aside some of your money and use it to send just one child to school, perhaps your becak driver’s son. If you can’t afford it alone, get your friends and relatives to help out, and together pay for the son’s education. Or just donate whatever amount you can to help pay for his education. You’d be surprised at how many people would be grateful for a donation of Rp 20,000/month. Or lend him some books to read. Or give him English lessons for free, once every one or two weeks. Regardless of your age or financial status, or how much time you have, there is always something that you can do. The possibilities are endless.

And you might say, “But that’s kind of a small contribution. You know, just helping one child, just with his English homework, just once every 2 weeks.” Well, it’s already better than not doing anything. Do not underestimate the change you can make on someone’s life. Do not underestimate the impact you can have by helping just one person. Mother Teresa began her massive social movement by helping out one person. Also, do not underestimate what you can do. I once heard a very intelligent scientist say that if each of us would use our full potential, we’d be surprised at what we can do. I was also taught that whatever dreams I have, God has instilled in me the capabilities to make these dreams come true. That is God’s promise. Well, I don’t need further assurances. I can safely say that you and I, my friend, are capable of great things.

However, I find that people are also good at making excuses. “But I want to do things big.” I really understand that, because I used to have an all-or-nothing attitude: I want to do everything perfectly, or not at all. I can tell you that it is a very destructive attitude. Most of the time, people can’t do things perfectly, especially when they just start out, but that shouldn’t stop people from doing things. Any amount of contribution matters. Also, if you never start somewhere, you’ll never learn anything about that field, and you’ll never be able to do it well! You have to start somewhere, and you can build your dream from there.

“I want to wait for inspiration.” To quote Frank Tibolt, the great writer and success trainer, “We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action.” So, if your passion for Indonesia concerns the environment, you can start something small and doable, perhaps in your neighborhood. Maybe you can ask your neighbors to gather their paper and plastic trash separately for two weeks, and pass these on to you. You can bring them to a recycling centre and use the money from the sale to buy non-plastic shopping bags for every household. Then maybe, as you do this, you’ll find some more inspiration about how you can contribute.

Some people also say, “But I don’t have the time. I’m very busy and I have exams coming soon.” I have found that it’s not true when people say that they don’t have the time – they just don’t make the time. The reality is, time is limited and we have to make priorities as a result. If people don’t get around to doing something, it usually means they don’t make that thing a priority. So, if you think you don’t have the time to start working on your dreams, you need to ask yourself if these dreams are a high priority for you. Also, I find that as you get older, you only get busier. If you’re busy when you’re in high school, you’ll only get busier at university, and even more once you start working, get married, have children, and have six hundred other things to worry about. The way I see it, the only solution is to acquire time-management skills and learn how to prioritize. And remember, you can adjust your contribution to your schedule. If you can’t do it once a week, do it once every two weeks, or even once a month. But it’s not an excuse to not do anything.

The other type of excuse is familiar for me, because I used to do it. “But those people could realize their dreams because they’re much more privileged than me. One of them even graduated from Harvard. They’re richer and have a lot of networks. That one is the son of an Ambassador.” I used this excuse until one day during my university time in Yogyakarta. I came across this old lady, a beggar, and from my neighbors I learned that she took care of the street children in that neighborhood. She made them take a shower a few times a week in her small hut, and fed them whatever she could find. She was helping others although she was only a beggar. She made me realize that you can never be too poor – or too anything – to help out.

All these excuses basically lead to waiting – waiting for your life to start, the life that you want, the life where you get to realize your dreams and make great contributions to the country you love. And waiting certainly is easy, as easy as criticizing our government for not doing this and that. But where is the fulfillment in that? Where is the joy and where is the result?

Dear friends, do not let yourself think that fulfillment, joy and positive result only lies with the grand acts in life. Fulfillment, joy and positive result comes to the people who take a courageous step toward their goal, no matter how small that step is. There really is happiness in action. If you truly want to do something for this country, then do something. As Helen Keller has so eloquently said, “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” The opportune time for your dreams is now.

With love,

Annisa